As if motherfuckas.
This isn't the story. But maybe I'll start a new one with this paragraph. Stay tuned:
I think my date was really hot. But I can't say for sure. I can't see a thing. Born that way. Been wearing a pair of Ray Ban Aviators since I was in grade school. And I don't have redeeming qualities like Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles did: musically gifted, huge dicks, lots of soul. The only thing I got going for me is sarcasm. And that's how I get women to stay. Like my blind date tonight. I hated the double entendre, by the way: a blind guy going out on a blind date. That's fucking ridiculous. Distasteful really. But that's how she rolls. Anyway, when I first met my blind date, she was very polite. Polite as in, let me create as much space as I can with this guy so I won't have to hurt his feelings when I get the fuck out of this restaurant after three forkfuls of lemon pie. But then I threw out some sarcasm, a little bit of edge, and suddenly she was rubbing her leg against mine. She was totally loving it. As I listened I realized she had a voice that could make the Hershey kisses in your pocket melt. Before you knew it, your pockets would have shit stains on them. But you don't mind, as long as she uses your belt as a jocket whipe inside the Ladies Room. . .